


I've Seen You In Mirrors

by HenryMercury



Series: Avatar Prompts [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Beginnings of redemption, Dubcon Kissing, F/F, Flashbacks, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:16:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6021793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HenryMercury/pseuds/HenryMercury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It really is hard, it turns out—hating someone once you've begun to know them. Once you've seen something, anything, in them that you've also seen in mirrors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Seen You In Mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> For a [tumblr prompt](http://henrymercury.tumblr.com/post/139355556257/prompt-azulasuki-i-didnt-intend-to-kiss-you): "Azula/Suki- “I didn’t intend to kiss you.” Favorite prisoner isn't necessarily a bad thing."

Somewhere along the line, acting as Zuko's special bodyguard turned into filling in for any and every guard in the Fire Nation capital. Suki grumbles to herself as she takes the prison rations and descends into the system of dank tunnels that is the palace dungeons. Of course Zuko didn't take the time to consider what kinds of memories this might bring up for Suki.

Suki takes a deep breath and tamps down her anger. Zuko's got so much on his plate right now that it makes sense he wouldn't think of this, wouldn't remember. It's not like he knows the full story anyway. Suki's a warrior. She puts one foot in front of the other until she reaches the heavy outer door of Azula's cell, unlocks it, and strides in to deliver the meal through the cage's inner bars.

"The Kyoshi warrior," Azula's voice creaks with disuse at first. "Long time no see."

"Not long enough," Suki replies, voice held tight with less certainty than she means it to have.

 

_The Kyoshi warriors all look the same from a distance; bright, eye-catching makeup and heavy armoured dresses distract from and disguise the characteristics that might distinguish one from another. This will work very much to Azula's advantage, once the costumes in question are hers. With most of the warriors subdued, that is almost a reality._

_But Azula does not allow_ almost _to make her complacent. She dodges a couple more furious jabs from the warriors' leader—identified as such by the gold plate and band tied around her head, much larger than any of the others'—and notes the distress passing across the girl's face as a loud cry of defeat issues from one of her juniors nearby. It's the perfect moment to strike. Azula feints a firebending move with her right hand before sending a plume of blue out of her left. The warrior, who has committed to leaping away from the deceptive blast, stumbles into an awkward roll to avoid the real attack before she jumps right into its path._

_That is all the opening Azula needs._

 

"You look different without all that face paint," says Azula.

Suki can't tell whether she means it as an insult or not. Azula sits slumped against the back wall of her cell, hair drooping over her face, eye sockets deep with shadows. Her pale skin doesn't have the same even tone to it that Suki remembers, although she doesn't know whether this is due to an absence of makeup or just the absence of proper care.

"So do you," Suki returns the shot.

The princess' eyes look smaller and rounder without the black wings that used to line them, which is to be expected, but the impression of increased youth this produces still takes Suki by surprise. Her lips... Azula's lips are still that petal-pink shade without any cosmetic enhancement, it's just that now they're flecked with white peeling dry skin and the dark red spots of scabbed cracks. Suki tears her eyes away and hopes Azula hasn't caught her gaze lingering on her mouth. She feeds the food tray through to Azula and turns to leave before the prisoner can try to throw any of it back at her, say anything else, distract her any more.

 

_

 

_"You're actually quite pretty," Suki's captor says. "I didn't expect that to be the case, given the lengths you go to in order to hide yourself. A thumb swipes a touch of the white off Suki's cheek. The nail scratches._

_Suki struggles against her bonds, but whatever they're made from isn't going to snap, and the strap is wound around her wrists and ankles too surely for her to have any hope of wriggling out. Still she can't help but squirm in impotent rage._

_"It's not about our appearances," she spits. "It's about our heritage, and teamwork—"_

_The Princess rolls her eyes. "Blah, blah," she says until Suki stops trying to talk. "I'm afraid you'll have to find some other way to express all those_ fascinating _things  from now on. I have need of your silly outfit."_

_Suki doesn't struggle at this, much as the rage seething within her wants her to. She saves her energy in case she's still conscious when the Princess tries to steal her uniform; she'll have to untie her to do it._

 

The unexpectedness of seeing Suki, the Kyoshi warrior, around her prison wore off after the first few weeks. Azula is even fairly certain the girl's presence is real, not concocted by her own untrustworthy mind.

"How did you get over it?" she asks, framing the question as haughtily as she can; "the great loss and humiliation you suffered at my hands during the war?"

Suki looks unsure of whether she ought to lash out in anger or not. Azula doesn't really care either way, so long as she gets her answer.

"A bit of it was just time," Suki answers, clearly having decided against an expression of rage. She speaks plainly, and as softly as she has ever done around Azula. "But more of it was getting up and winning the next battle. And the last part was coming here," she gestures to Azula's disgusting lodgings. "Facing you again."

Winning the next battle sounds like an effective solution, but it's hardly one Azula hasn't already thought of. It's how she came back after the embarrassing drill incident—returning and flawlessly conquering the city she'd failed to take that first time. There are no battles to be won in here, however. She's been underground in this sun-forsaken place for so long she can't even summon a flame anymore. She tells herself that stepping outside and soaking in the daylight for a while will return her to form, but she has been finding herself hard to believe of late.

"Are you still dwelling on your humiliation from the day of Sozin's comet?" Suki asks, and Azula's walls go back up at the wording. She may be willing to speak to this woman with civility—even to ask her advice in a veiled, hypothetical manner—but she will not admit point blank to the shame of which Suki accuses her.

"Absolutely not."

The look Suki gives her makes it clear that Azula's circumstances belie her denial. She is, however, kind enough not to make the comment explicitly. It's more kindness than Azula has been shown in a considerable while.  

 

_

 

It's been unexpected, the revelation that Azula is actually not a horrible person to talk to. Ever since Sokka and his crew first showed up on Kyoshi Island, Suki's life has been a voyage through wholly unpredictable waters—but even when you know you should be expecting them, it's impossible to really be prepared for the unsettling moments. This one has crept up on her gradually.

"I've hired a new guard to see to Azula's detention," Zuko tells her one morning, as though he's just remembered the task he assigned Suki several weeks ago. "You don't need to worry about that anymore."

Suki refuses before she fully understands why.

She ignores Zuko's look of surprise and thanks him politely as he tells her she should do whatever she sees fit. She wonders vaguely whether he thinks she is befriending his sister or systematically punishing her for their wartime enmity now that she has the upper hand. Whether he's thought about those possibilities at all or whether they're just more things he hasn't had the time to consider. Whether he cares either way. Whether whoever he'd find to step in as Azula's warden would care either.

It really is hard, it turns out—hating someone once you've begun to know them. Once you've seen something, anything, in them that you've also seen in mirrors.

Azula's derisive laugh when Suki muses aloud on this idea seems to give the opposite opinion.

 

_The Princess' gaze was disconcerting from a safe distance, but up close—too close—it's even worse. Cutting, unfathomable, cold with fire. There's something in it that looks to Suki like hunger, but in this context she can't be sure._

_"A pretty thing indeed." The words are quiet, their tone unknowable. Suki's chin is gripped tight, a thumb on one edge of her jaw, fingers on the other side. The nails scratch, but it's almost not a bad feeling. Adrenaline pumping, Suki wants nothing more than to dive back into the fight._

_She searches for something spiteful to say about the Princess' own appearance in return, but she's caught up trying to figure out those eyes. When her focus does stray to the nose, the lips, the high-boned cheeks all looming in so close, she doesn't find anything she can believably criticise._

"Are we ever going to talk about it?" Azula asks.

"About what?"

"About that day. The day I defeated your band of fan-twirling warriors and disrobed you."

"And the other thing that happened in between, no doubt," Suki fills in.

Once, when the incident in question was fresh in her memory, fuelling her fight against the Fire Nation, reminding her of the liberties the country's royal family thought they had the right to take with the entire world, she'd imagined what she'd say if she and Azula ever did have this conversation.

Azula grumbles in confirmation. Her reluctance is no act. Her confusion runs deep, and now that Azula has been humbled, the true extent of it is visible to the naked eye. It reminds Suki of her own doubts, and makes it hard to think the same enraged thoughts she used to. It's begun to make it hard not to think certain other thoughts in their place.

"That was just an accident," Suki says. "There's no need to even remember it." But saying it aloud finally cements in her mind that she won't forget.

"An accident," says Azula, without much feeling. "Never to be repeated."

_

_"What?!"_

"I know!" Zuko shouts. There's a manic look in his eyes and Suki suspects it's been there for some hours now. Ever since he got the news.

"Escaped," Suki says disbelievingly. " _Ozai_. How on earth could this happen?"

Zuko's fingers tangle in his hair, pulling hard, probably too hard. Suki reaches out and gently pries his closed fists open, letting the bunches of hair fall back into their rightful places.

"Don't," she says, smiling weakly. "You need to leave some hair attached to your head to put that crown in."

"How on earth could this happen?" Zuko echoes, shoulders slumping, mania giving way to exhaustion. "We're stretched too thin. Too thin to even keep him imprisoned properly, apparently... too thin to track him down without it getting out to the rest of the world that we're—that _I'm_ incapable—"

"We'll fix it," Suki assures him. She doesn't have a strategy in mind yet, but she'll come up with one. They brought Ozai down at the height of his reign; she has no doubt that they can find him as a fugitive unable to use his primary form of combat.

Once she departs, leaving a calmer Zuko behind, Suki realises that he's not the only one of Ozai's children who might have a strong reaction to the news of his escape.

_The Princess is responsible for the kiss. Suki knows this because she's the one who's tied up, therefore her captor must be wholly responsible for moving in, pressing soft lips against the matte-dry surface of Suki's deep red lipstick. Responsible for the rush that comes over her, adrenaline and anger half-shifting into something else, sharpening into small, intense points of focus: the lips touching her own, the burn of firebender breath, the nose that knocks against hers, the hand still holding her chin in place. Responsible for the way Suki presses into the kiss too, not to be outdone, biting at the Princess' lips until she can feel the slight wax of lip colour on the tips of her teeth when she touches them with her tongue. There's no telling whether it's her lipstick, the Princess', or a mixture._

_Suki is a prisoner here, and she hates her captor, hates everything the Princess stands for—therefore she can't be responsible for the fact that she_ enjoys _the short, aggressive tangle of a kiss. None of it is Suki's fault; if it were up to Suki none of it would ever have happened. (Unbidden, a thought forms in her head behind all the conflict:_ I'd never have known what I was missing.)

_The moment snaps, breaks, shatters as suddenly and forcefully as it began._

_"I didn't intend to kiss you," the Princess says, frowning deeply and looking unsure for the first time Suki has been able to witness. There's red paint smeared out beyond the outlines of her lips, and a touch of white on her nose. "I can assure you of that."_

_"Don't worry," Suki sneers, "I won't tell. Letting anyone know my mouth has been anywhere near_ yours _is the_ last _kind of shame I'd bring upon myself."_

_The Princess' expression solidifies into determination once more. "Likewise."_

Azula just laughs when Suki tells her the news of her father's escape. Laughs and laughs bitterly and then quite abruptly tells Suki to leave. Suki refuses to budge, and Azula looks like she'd like to hit her until she complies, but that's too bad because Azula's on one side of the bars and Suki's on the other, and only one of them has access to a key.

The relief of finding Azula here, still in her cell, was even greater than Suki anticipated. If whatever breakout Ozai orchestrated had included her... well. Suffice it to say that Azula's help would transform Ozai from a risk into a serious threat.

"He didn't try to contact you, or anything?"

"No," Azula pushes the words through gritted teeth. It's one final betrayal, Suki can tell. Ozai's daughter spent her whole life forgiving him and believing him until the moment he went back on his promise to take her with him for the assault under Sozin's comet. Until the day he left her behind, the day she finally saw him for what he really was.

Suki's not the only one who's been trying to stand on churning seas.

_Why don't you return to your Kyoshi warriors?_ Azula asks her sometimes.

Suki hasn't perfected an answer just yet, but the truth is that being home when home is all you know and being home after seeing the world are very different things. It isn't that being a Kyoshi warrior isn't _enough_ —but it is the same thing she's done since the minute she was old enough. She wants to go back to her old role because she's tried other things and decided that none of it beats what she has back on her island—not simply because all the pieces are moving back to their starting places after the war. She's seen people hoping fervently enough to make themselves believe that anything can just _go back to normal_ after an experience like war _,_ but Suki knows the truth.

And so here she is, drifting with the ripples of the century-long conflict that still shudder through everything, feeling like there's something in herself waiting to be resolved but not knowing what.

_

 

"That's crazy."

Suki has to admit she can see how the idea would sound that way to Zuko. It doesn't mean he's right, though.

"I'm not going to just let her go! Do you know how hard it was to capture her in the first place? Katara and I—"

"I _do_ know," Suki says. She's heard the story from all perspectives before. "But just because it was tough to bring a particular state of affairs into being doesn't mean it's best to keep it that way forever."

"But Azula's—"

"When was the last time you went and spoke with her? Really spoke—and listened, too?"

Suki crosses her arms and sets her glare to full force. She knows the answer to this question, and the Fire Lord is at least wise enough not to try and lie to her about it. He just sighs guiltily instead. She doesn't bother trying to soothe his conscience.

"I trust you, Suki," he relents. "I trust you to do what you think is right, and I trust you to handle Azula if she, you know... becomes uncooperative. But _please_ take plenty of backup. I can't afford to have her causing any incidents. It'll be diplomatic suicide if either Katara or the Earth Kingdom government find out she's been released."

Suki knows he isn't even exaggerating all that much; world politics are precarious right now, especially when it comes to the Fire Nation building trust with any of the others. But Suki believes she's making the right call anyway. It's a nice feeling, being so full of purpose, and it's a feeling she's been missing for a while.

 

_Azula doesn't know what she's done, or why—only that no one can ever find out about it. She sees the conspicuous smudging of colours around her prisoner's mouth and hastily wipes them away, pulling out a spare piece of strapping in the hope of catching more paint with the fabric. Realising that removing makeup only around the girl's mouth is hardly less conspicuous when her whole face should be covered, Azula targets other sections of her face to even the effect out._

_Conspicuousness, of course, depends upon the likelihood of someone seeing the clues and deciding it's plausible to pull them together into the explanation that Azula has been kissing the warrior captain she has just bested in battle. If Azula was anything less than a perfectionist, she'd risk the odds of such a wild deduction being made. She hardly believes this truth herself, despite having just lived it very vividly indeed._

_She scrubs off her own face and takes a breath to compose herself before calling Ty Lee in to block the prisoner's chi and assist in the removal of her clothing. She took the Kyoshi warrior off to the side with the intention of extracting information and then knocking her out, but neither prospect seems appealing anymore._

_The memory of what that mouth felt like against hers buzzes through Azula like she's holding in lightning, a sensation that's too physical for her to block out with mental resolve alone. Her lips prickle, raw from being bitten and then vigorously cleaned off. The girl tied up in front of her continues to stare her down, fearless even in her current position of helplessness. She kissed with a fearlessness, too._

_Azula hasn't spent a lot of time pondering the manner in which she might like to be kissed; she's been too busy honing her every deadly skill and equipping her mind with all the knowledge an effective Fire Lord could need to draw upon. She has known for some time, however, how she enjoys fighting most: she loves fighting without restraining any force or speed, fighting so that everything outside the confrontation pales and disappears, fighting someone who stands firm enough against her to be a genuine challenge, a near-equal._

_It turns out her taste in kisses is just the same._

"I don't want to," Azula says. She reads the shock loud and clear on Suki's face.

"I... I don't even know what to say right now," Suki answers. "Who would rather sit and rot in prison than be free? You could get your bending back, finally face your father and move past some of those leftover issues weighing you down, like we talked about weeks ago. You said you'd never recover because you wouldn't get a chance to go forward and prove yourself by winning the next fight. This is your chance to do that!"

She's quite insistent, having accumulated high levels of both volume and speed by the end of her outburst.

The feeling in Azula right now reminds her of stagnant water—the kinds of puddles that form high up on the rocks at the sea shore on Ember Island. The foul smell and yellowness and algae growth and sickly warmth of those isolated pieces of the sea, left behind. She's become accustomed to this small room of hers, away from everything. It is its own world, not pleasant but survivable and delicately balanced. It's survivable because she's given up hope of those sea waves ever rushing up and reaching her, refreshing her, turning her back into the dynamic thing she once was. This way it doesn't hurt when the tide never quite reaches her, and she stays in her current state. This way it isn't humiliating when she turns out not to be capable of her former greatness. This way she can blame the chains around her limbs for her inability to be great again, and not her own inadequacies.  

"No more feeling sorry for yourself," Suki says, reading Azula's mood correctly. "You think you're the only one who's felt lost after the war? You're not. You're just the only one who seems intent on staying that way forever."

Azula opens her mouth ready to object, but all that comes out is a weak huff. The sound is practically a whine. Shameful. Suki softens in response to it, though she doesn't compromise on her purpose one bit.

"Luckily for us, Ozai's currently hiding," she says.

Whether he's more likely to be plotting and amassing a following or making his way through the brothels in whatever town centre he inhabits is anyone's guess.

"We've got some time to prepare. You can soak up that sunlight and get your bending back, Azula."

"Are you sure you'll trust me when you have me back in the light of day, Kyoshi warrior?"

Suki shrugs—a gesture so casual Azula laughs at the thought of what Suki's former self would have thought of it. Things are very different between the two of them now, Azula realises with a jolt. She almost wonders whether this difference might make it possible that she could reattempt a certain...

...but no, Suki would never waste her time with someone who intended to waste her remaining days in a cell, doing and being nothing.

Azula doesn't care for the crown anymore, knows it wouldn't be wise to try and seize power at a time like this—but perhaps even after the deaths of these lifelong dreams there is still some goal she can strive for.

"Fine," she says. "Fine, I'll accompany you on this mission."

Suki brightens.

"I'll be of little assistance to you until I recover my form," Azula warns, so that Suki will not be disappointed with her if the worst occurs. "I may even go the rest of my life without managing to unblock my chi enough to bend with my former power."

"Well," Suki pulls out one of the fans she's packed with her and shows it to Azula. Azula expects a lecture about the many capabilities of non-benders—which she doesn't need, having worked as closely with Mai and Ty Lee as she has—but no lecture comes. Instead, Suki says, "You know what you said that time about fans and flames."

Azula is strangely touched that Suki recalls her witticism. In Azula's own opinion, she'd been on _fire_ that day. Figuratively, although not only that.

"I was no fan of yours at the time, but I have to admit that _was_ pretty funny," Suki says easily.

"No _fan_ ," Azula repeats, a silent laugh shaking her breaths. "Finally, an appreciative audience for my humour. Not everyone has such well-tuned comic sense."

Suki offers a slightly bashful smile. "Sokka and the others never liked my jokes all that much."

It's this that makes Azula think Suki's capacity for sympathy might outweigh her desire to gloat about Azula's weakness. She is unlikely to recover better with any less formidable an ally.

"So when will I be allowed to leave this wretched dungeon?" She asks. Now that she's decided this is what's to be done, she's impatient to get on with it. There is motion building in her again, momentum, and this cell is too cramped for anything but idleness.  

In answer, Suki slips a key from the pocket of her dress.

The barred door that has held Azula prisoner for months swings open in a moment of utter anticlimax. She steps forward decisively, and Suki doesn't flinch.

Suki steps forward too, and suddenly Azula is reminded of what human contact feels like. What Suki feels like. What it feels like to be kissing Suki.

Azula pulls away. "Wouldn't you prefer to wait until _after_ I've bathed?" she asks, and is pleased to note that she sounds calmer than she feels. The dirty sheen of her skin must be hiding the blush on her face.

Suki's clean cheeks do nothing to disguise hers. "I didn't intend to kiss you," Suki says.

Azula regards her. The edge of her mouth flicks up in something between smirk and smile. "You're not a _dreadful_ liar," she tells Suki. "But you're not good enough to fool the best."

"Oh really? I suppose by _the best_ you mean yourself," Suki grins, "but I've got a secret to tell you."

She trails off, so Azula cocks an eyebrow in question and waits for her to finish.

"You've never been very good at lying to me, either."


End file.
